Monday, November 12, 2007

From missing nana's funeral to saad's wedding

Up above, the stars align
Beneath the clouds, two fates intertwine
their twinkling sets the earth alight

Down below, amidst the frenzy
Grumble a few impatient bellies
But it’s the eyes that will feast tonight

Classy Suits and rainbow dresses,
Clean shaves and long, flowing tresses
Old and young celebrate alike

Eyes brimming with love, bodies swaying in jubilation
Many look in envy, some in admiration,
While others cast jealous eyes

Invariably though, each gaze traces,
Converging on two moonlit faces
Making envious, even the stars in the skies.

On their throne; an able king and his worthy queen,
a couple who seem like they just walked out of a dream
a kingdom with a future so bright

now that all is said and done,
forget not you were missing one
who revels in your happiness that night

remember then a boy far away,
Celebrating alone every single day,
who couldn't catch a long flight

who couldn't be there though he tried
if only his regret could be quantified.

Thursday, October 4, 2007

Army of Love

A spirit that is One; an army that cannot be crushed.
Nay, a belief its shield,
The shield itself the enemy cannot even touch
A siege that no fortification can repel.
An advance which no walls can hold in
A fire burning bright
An ignited heart surely conquers the mind
With love,
uniting it
For Truly a heart pure is the greatest weaponand its potency is the degree
Of the faith
in a promise
A covenant made in Gardens with rivers flowing beneath
In His Infinite presence
This Trust in Him, the armor.
And His Love the force bound to conquer all.

March then onwards,
For Truth hath come
And with it the power of all that is Good
To cleanse falsehood from among us
The undoing of lies
To light a fire within
For all to see


March then onwards,
March.

Is Beauty from Truth?

For those who forget the Truth,
Beauty is the chief reminder.
Like night which reminds us of the galaxies and stars
That are outside the bounds of our hands.

Beauty has the power to move.
Upset the inner equilibrium of a feeling being.
It causes man to think again,
To question
Gently sing him out of his trance


This questioning leads man back to a search for a misplaced Truth.
And it is only when one questions, that one can separate that which is from that which is not
Questioning helps man to distinguish.
Between right and wrong
Darkness and light.
Freedom from captivity.

For this Is what man has, which animals do not possess
The freedom to ponder,
The privilege to contemplate,
The endowment of reason
The ability to reflect
a capacity to wonder
The power to imagine

The blessing that is the soul.

Whether knowingly or unknowingly, it is only when one is questioning that one finds the Answer. For the question and the answer are forever bound to each other. Inseparable.

And with this intuition,
With instinctive questioning, is when one wanders in search of the Answer.
For it is through the Creation itself, that the Creator is found.

Angels, they are made of light.
They are like the stars in a beautiful night sky.
But man, man Is no star.
Man is like the moon.
Going round in circles by a set order.
Running a course set for him.
With craters as scars
Marking his past
Struggles, successes, and failures.

But in this moon is the potential.
That from being invisible and seemingly insignificant, it can reflect.
Reflect the Light.
Though it takes it a number of days, slowly charging up.
It is after it has journeyed a certain amount and reached a certain point,
That it glows like a lamp in the sky
The Light covering up the craters
And one looking at it cannot help but stare in awe at
Its majestic Beauty.
This Beauty, that is a reflection of the Truth.
For metaphor and reflection are the only means
to understand the Truth
bask in It
glow in It
reflect It
and be One with It.
Atleast in this life.
Which in itself is a big reminder, full of little ones
Urging man to remember a time
When his soul was in the Divine presence
And was bound to a Promise.

“Those who forget, will be destined to remember”

Presentation on the Iraq war in UWO

For societies that profess to be secular, one is surprised to find the large number of people who still believe in myths, magic, and miracles.

Myths about Iraq possessing weapons of mass destruction

Hammered in by the powerful magic wand that is the media

And the notion that Iraqis would welcome the coalition forces as liberators, which if it were true, would’ve been nothing short of miraculous.


Respected professor, ladies and gentlemen, the invasion of Iraq in 2003, was a mistake, but not only a mistake. Strong evidence suggests a case of government dishonesty, the outcome of which was an illegal war, and a major foreign policy disaster.




The illegality of the war Illegality and its ramifications (the loss of credibility
):




In May 2005, the Downing Street memos were leaked to the times of London. The memos revealed that two weeks before the war was launched, Attorney General Lord Goldsmith, Blair’s chief legal advisor, counseled that regime change could not be the objective of military action. He further added that even if Britain were to limit its goal to ending the WMD program, it was still up to the UN Security Council to assess whether any such breach of those obligations had occurred, not individual states. Lord Goldsmith went on to add that the US had a rather different view: I quote “they maintain that the fact of whether Iraq is in breach is a matter of objective fact which may therefore be assessed by individual member states but I am not aware of any other states which support this view”.

In short, he advised Blair to show some respect for international law.

Given the patent criminality of regime change by invasion, Lord Goldsmith advised that conditions had to be created which would justify military action against Iraq. Despite bombing 391 targets in Iraq in the 9 month build-up to the war, London and Washington failed to provoke the desired reaction from Saddam and carried out the invasion regardless on the sole pretext of WMD’s.

A second official memo was from Blair’s meeting with top adviser’s in the July of 2002. It showed that Washington had already decided to go to war before hoodwinking US congress. In addition, the decision had been made prior to an invitation to the UN to either endorse Washington’s plan to use violence or become irrelevant.

Needless to say, occasions of such flagrant disregard for International Law and bodies like the UN which administer it, undermine and trivialize the very notion of Human Rights.



Evidence of Connivance on the part of the Bush administration:



According to National security and intelligence analyst, John Prados, Bush had a ‘ scheme to convince America and the world that war with Iraq was necessary and urgent”. He described it as a “case study in government dishonesty…that required patently untrue public statements and egregious manipulation of intelligence”. The planners knew, in his opinion, that Iraqi WMD’s were nascent, moribund, or non-existent—exactly the opposite of the presidents repeated massage to Americans. To carry out the deception, actual intelligence was consistently distorted, manipulated, and ignored---in service of a particular enterprise under false pretenses.


Reports have also found that had diplomacy been given a chance, UN weapons inspections teams led by Dr. Hans Blix, would have confirmed that Iraq did not in fact have weapons of WMD in around a month’s time.

Intelligence also confirmed, which the Bush administration admitted at the time, that there was no link between Iraq and the atrocities on 9/11.

It is important to note that here was no link between Iraq and Al-Qaeda prior to the war*.(revisit)

Interestingly enough, 8.8 billion dollars worth of Iraqi oil went missing in the first 14 months of invasion under American watch. The major benefactors from the invasion have been independent American companies that have largely assumed control of oil production in Iraq despite protesting local workers. Kellogg Brown and Root, which is the biggest of these companies, have strong ties with key officials, like Dick Cheney, in the Bush administration.






Foreign policy disaster:



Few still dispute today that Iraq is a foreign policy disaster. Since the start of the war, almost three quarters of a million Iraqis civilians have paid with their lives, 3.9 million have been made refugees, and 3000 continue to die every month. If this weren’t enough, more than 5 thousand collation troops have died and tens of thousands have been wounded or maimed. These figures are excluding the number of hired mercenaries, of which there are currently approximately 120, 000 operating in Iraq according to journalist Robert Fisk, who have been killed. It is interesting to note here that these mercenaries, a majority of whom are ex-British and American soldiers or nationals, are hired to protect the occupation troops and are almost equal in number to the coalition troops present in the country.



The presence of Al-Qaeda In Iraq and the spread of Islamic radicalism are also peculiar achievements of American foreign policy.

Before the war, the
-National Intelligence Council (NIC) advised that an “American led invasion of Iraq would increase support for political Islam and would result in a deeply divided Iraqi society prone to violent internal conflict”. That it would provide recruitment, training grounds, technical skills and language proficiency for a new class of terrorists who are ‘professionalized and for whom political violence becomes an end within itself”

Iraq has, since then, become a magnet for Islamic extremists and has replaced Afghanistan as the real-world laboratory for urban combat, destabilizing the whole region. This de-stabilization has seen a sharp increase in Islamic radicalism. Muslim youth in conflict areas are now more prone to radical views with the belief that their religion and very identity is under attack.


Fawaz Gerges concludes that after 9/11 “ the dominant response to the Al-qaeda in the Muslim world was very hostile, specifically among jihadis, who regarded it as a dangerous extremist fringe. Instead of recognizing that the opposition to al-qaeda offered Washington the most affective way to drive a nail into its coffin by finding intelligent means to nourish and support the internal forces that were opposed to militant ideologies like the bin laden network, the bush administration did exactly what bin laden hoped it would do; resort to violence in a grand sweeping gesture of retaliation.


Israeli think tanks and Saudi intelligence have reported that the vast majority of foreign fighters in iraq were not former terrorists but became radicalized by the war itself because it was perceived as an attack on muslims.


Centre for Strategic and and International Studies found that 85 percent of Saudi militants that went to iraq were not on any government watchlist, al-qaeda members or terrorist sympathizers, but were radicalized by the invasion.

Suicide bombings, which have their origin in secular tamil tigers, were non-existent in Iraq. However, since the invasion 400 bombings have been reported.

As is self-evident, the invasion has also succeeded in making the clash of civilization theory a self-fulfilling prophecy. Indonesia is the country with the largest Muslim population in the world with over 200 million Muslims. According to a pole conducted in 2000, 75 percent Indonesians viewed US favorably. This number has plummeted to 15 percent after 2003’s invasion with 80% of Indonesians fearing an attack in the future by the US.




Conclusion:

We sat here yesterday drawing comparisons between Nazism and communism. Similarly, journalists and academics already find themselves juxtaposing Iraq under Saddam’s tyrannical regime with an Iraq ravaged by a brutal invasion. I cant help but ask, ‘should Saddam be the moral yardstick by which we measure our own moral inequities? For many, the war on Iraq is the past. This could not be farther from the truth. In a fast globalizing world, the harsh reality in Iraq is playing a large role in defining our present and shaping our future. To all those who still believe in myths, magic and miracles, let me assure them that ghosts too exist; and unless we’re honest in our commitment to Human Rights, this one will loom over our heads and haunt us for a long time to come.

Wednesday, October 3, 2007

--In loving memory--

in loving memory:


suspenders.
internet account hogging,
stroking the couch and handles with his hands,
feet that would wag ednlessly like a tail when lying down,
legs that wont sit still,
punctual,
responsible,
critical in the cutest way,
short tempered,
gentle,hearty laugh,
'you see'.....main line
rubbing lips together making 'chpt' sound while talking,
long pauses involved,
emails and jokes,
imparting wisdom,
bread winner,
loving father,
husband, ask nani..lol
caring brother,
hospitable host,
khaana itna zaada kuon paka diya hai?:)
going asleep while watching tv,
picking me up and putting me to bed when i used to fall asleep watching tv
bathing me
putting up with my other nakhras
umra on his shoulders
random nights spent with nana,
nani asking me whether i came under the line of fire:):)
your scrap book. i wonder where it is now. piecing together your memories,
pining for your youth.
He's set you free.
you're free.

an honest man in a time
when honesty and a man are both so hard to find.



Im here,
Im alone,
In a nightmare,
Far away from home.
Always knew no one knows when
What as to happen will have happened
all secuirty has been unhinged.
All my fear have come crashing in
His soul has defied gravity
I hope it finds a chance to visit me
This far away from home and
I hope heaven is not too beautiful for you to not come back occasionally
Every day, ill be waiting to go to sleep
When I sleep ill hope to be visited by you in my dreams

I don’t know where ive come,
I don’t know where you’ve gone
Ill pray for you when I look at the moon
Remember you in the light of the sun
And when I look up at the stars
Ill try to find which one you are

No one’s been this lucky I bet
No ones been so loved I know
And I hope you know I wont forget this
Where ever you and I go

In the back of my mind I was waiting for this time to come
But I didn’t know off your four shoulders id be the missing one
And so you leave me with just one regret
i would’ve lowered you into your grave
had a foolish me been there yet
to see you for one last time,
to tell you one last time,
to smell you one last time,
to taste you one last time,
an eternal picture in my mind,
oh come back above,
come back above.

sunk in tears, but this news hasnt sunk in with me,
its all happened so suddenly,
mometns like these make you realize the truth in a cliche,
seeing is believing, and i cant accept it from this far away.

but the truth is, even if i saw it, i probably wont believe,
because these eyes that see so often decieve,
so could it be true?can it?
that you're not here, but that youre with,
the one who created you and me and everything else,
sent down love,wisdom and help
epitomized in his form and self
youve left me with something to live up to,something to live for,
i hope i wont fail you because i know youre waiting for me at the otherside of the door,
gave me a watch, in more ways then one gave me the gift of time,
it still ticking,like my beating heart,
and when it stops ticking, we too wil have a new start
for the gift of time, my heart'll never let you out of my mind,
as they close your eyes, another curtain goes up for you,
you complained of being old well now you have your chnace to start out a new,
and while we get older, we'll wait..sometimes in the black, others in the blue,
to see whether whats been revealed is actually true
forgive me if this is blasphemy, my mentor my friend,
but i beleive more so for anything else because i have to see you again.


he passed on his wisdom,
he shared his love,
he gave his sweat and kept his dignity,
showed us the meaning of integrity,
gave me my mother, my aunt
gave me a huge responsibility,
of being honest and dealing with honesty,
gave me a skeptic amidst so much doting so i wont go completely astray,
gave me what was necessary,
your criticism will be remembered and missed ever so sweetly,
your short temper will made me smile ever so frequently,
the one man taking care of his family,
and i wish i couldve been
there and could have seeen,
how i hear they flocked to pay you their last respect,
but atleast you were there in the best of my years, thats more than any child can expect.
each birthday id worry,
this might be my last one with you, because i know all of this is so temporary,
and you told me, beauty is in that which must decline,
but still for an eternity with you i pine,
my constant reminder of whats really important in life,
directing us to help us four from taking a nose dive,
they took your body and cleansed it for one last time i hear,
one more reason for why i wish iw as there,
to see you in the last piece of cloth that you wore
covered in layers,
to see you go out of sight, out of sight till mine lasts me,
till my soul too escapes this reality.
my love for you wont wane, no it wont cease,
your absence un-nerves me but
it comforts me to know youre finally at peace.
waiting for us, and not deceased.
youre finally at peace.

I missed you today.

I’ve been in Vancouver for over a year now. It was only last year that my feet gave way to the news that God had sent for you. I don’t know what to make of it. It all seems like a haze until i start thinking about it. It all seems like another world to me, another life. For you it is precisely that; another world and another Life. Has it really been a year since I saw you? Since I entered into your house and saw you leaning back in your chair? Your body language always gave off such conflicting messages. On the one hand, your feet would be frozen in a constant wag conveying some form of unrest, but on closer examination one could see how at ease you were reclining in your chair. Each time I saw you in that chair, I wanted to buy one just like it. I wanted to buy that comfort, that relaxation. I know though that it wasn’t really the chair that made me want it, it was seeing how laid back you were in it. Such feelings cannot be elicited by a nana-less sofa.

So here I am, listening to I grieve by Peter Gabriel. Your last words to me still resonate though I have so far been unable to capture their wisdom. I believe though, that I one day, with the help of God and with aid of the ever present warmth and protection of your prayers, will not only realize the meaning, but have the strength to live it too--InshAllah.

------------------------------Till the closing walls of time re-unite us------------------
---------------------------------------------Till all are one-------------------------------------------

Monday, September 10, 2007

I wish you could understand these tears,
Feel them, but only for a second, no more.
For what a men do to their enemy is nothing compared to what a lover does to another.
Maybe, when this grief touches you, then you’ll know
What it’s been like
What you did to me
What you do to me
The dreams of you
The half blocked out thoughts
The suppressed memories
How this heart never gave up on love,
But your love gave it up
With such ease
Did you even pause before replacing it?
You moved on and time for me stood still
I wait for you still
The same place in all my dreams
In vain,
Hope dried up
Empty
But still trying to catch a whiff of your fragrance to fill me up again
Even if only for a fleeting moment
How can you not see? How can you not feel? How could you not care?
That I’m here
In a crowd, but alone
Alone without you
Broken
Shattered
Tattered
In ruins
In pieces
Will I ever see you again?
My heart is but a grave yard.
Will the dead ever rise again?
Will life flow once more so freely?
Will the sweet breeze not blow again?
Sweep this hurt away
Will it not bring with it sweet raindrops?
Oh how long I’ve waited for a change in seasons
How long I’ve waited.
A heart sedated.
From strong to weak,
From weak to numb,
Numb to helpless,
From helpless to hopeless,
And from hopeless to crushed
So here I am:
Weak,
Numb,
Helpless,
Hopeless,
Crushed.
If it was the seemingly invincible idealism that was unbearable, it is dead.
The apparently undying optimism that was distasteful, it has been buried.
Innumerable shortcomings repulsive, the hell I burn in.
The unconditional Love that wasn’t enough wanders
The distance that made it too tough, now is irretraceable.

Either way,
My point I guess is,
Yes, you made me bleed
You win,
I concede.
I concede.

Monday, March 19, 2007

what for?

A young, war-torn soul
On its knees
Utters a silent prayer
Waiting upon the morning breeze

In hopes that it’ll bring with it
Glad tidings of peace
That or the sweet embrace of death
So this endless suffering will cease

Prayers remain unanswered
And days go by so slow
And in the tired light of day
The breeze doth blow

Yet he trusts that the winds will carry
These cries of despair
Will deliver them to his brethren
Who have hearts that can still hear?

In an arid land,
A bottomless well overflowing with tears
Have his brethren died?
Is there nobody out there?

Once a happy family,
A loving one of five
But scars in his reflection remind him
He’s the last one alive

The bombs they boast off destroyed not only buildings
But shattered his spirit too
They not only dismembered his home,
But his humanity through and through

Days in misery, nights cut in pain
In the constant echoes of war
O mankind!
What all this for?!??

Out of your greed for gold
This land you’ve cause to go red
This treasure that you’re digging graves for
Can it raise the dead?

When I was young I heard:
God will help him who helps himself
God be my witness today
I need your help

Monday, February 26, 2007

Devil in Lingerie

When desire renders sensibility blind
When thoughts of the ugly consume the mind
light and reason hide away
the darkness within comes out to play
echoing giggles of satisfaction
devil in lingerie

The Rising Sun

Prophet Muhammad (saww) is reported to have said that when the day of judgement is near, the sun will rise from the West and set in the East. The latter seems to have happened already. As for the former, one wonders if the resurgence of Islam is now eminating from the West with twenty thousand or so revivalists a year as statistics show. While the place that cradled Islam seems to be under a cover of darkness, the Sun is slowly but surely rising from the West; spreading light once again on the Truth. Though the essence of Truth cannot die, it has surely been kept under the lock far too long. So then let knowledge, which can only be of the Truth, light our way out of the clutches of darkness.

slowly, but surely.

slowly, but surely.

Friday, February 23, 2007

'In the Nick of time'-----revision(i prostrate corrected)

outside its cold
the city is silent under a frigid blanket
he's tracing foot prints in the snow
he's been told which way he's come
but no one to tell him where he's soon to go
he's walking with shadows
themselves waiting in uncertainty
with a hope to become real
because reality is melting away
all too quickly
all too quickly
trudging around the corner
a searching sight now set
on a family made of snow
on a family built of snow
winter is shorter than expected this year
though colder than ever before
with the fast rising sun
it will soon be gone
gone like the family of snow men
and the reality as in the boy's gaze
melting way too fast
unlike his broken dreams
already evaporated
vanished into thin air
raining down on the earth
tears from loving eyes
unasnwered prayers of failing hearts
live your last seconds in peace
-rest in peace-
ameen
*the sky bawls as prayers unanswered return to earth*
But who gave you the right to declare him, whom God had not bid death to touch, dead.
-God is Great-
(27th Feb 2007)

Wednesday, February 14, 2007

Borrowed Light

(warning, strong influences of khalil jibran, waleed zaman, and a clock which reads 5 am, at work)


a sweet kiss with lips sincere is all that is needed to inject life into the seeds buried deep within a soul mourning a seemingly never ending drought. the love now rampant throughout the body as the only cure allow the expanses of the gardens of the soul to be laden with sweetness in full bloom. the coming of this spring brings with it new hope and songs carried by a breeze whos resonant whisperings give voice to the orchestra of the heart. dying echoes of the longings of a soul generate a harmony which holds within it the key to ressurecting a hope which the mind had deemed dead since long. in this gentle breeze, the darkest of dusks find their dawn and so dawns the profound realization of longings fulfilled with beauty and of prayers answered.


----love and be loved, for the only way to truly live is through love--------

for love is the very ingredient which makes the core of a soul and its expression which completes it, giving it form. a body that does not love is a body opressed.a mind that does not love is a mind limited and bound. and a heart that refuses to accept its grace is a heart forever discontentand the soul that is not allowed to express its love is one that will forever wander, in vain, in search of its home. so then, let the gaze be filled with it, the tongue speak from it, ears overwhelmed by it, the feet walk its path, and its sweet fragrance fill the soul. for, only then, will all actions will be from love and of it and this is what separates the living from the alive. let each stroke of a brush be moved by it, each work be in its name, each motive be fuelled by it, intent be born from it, and let it be the very desired end. all because in essence man is a creaiton whos beginning was itself motivated by Love, so let this very Love be the force which powers the sails throughout his journey, and brings him to his final destination where his love will be realized.

----love and be loved, for the only way to truly live is through love--------

Tuesday, February 6, 2007

Song # Bol

Dukh hai, Ghum hai
Munn mai ajeeb see kya uljhun hai
toota toota badan hai
bhaaree bhaaree hurr qadam hai

Honton ko jo see diya
zukhmon kee gehraiee may tunha jee liya
sharm-o-ghairat ko jo pee gaya
aankhon khuleen par so gaya

bol
tu bol
tu bol
tu bol

tootay khwaabon ko jore zara
khauf ko dil say nichore zara
deen mai iman la
jaan may thoree jaan la

tootay khwaabon ko jore zara
khauf ko dil say nichore zara
inn khoobsoorat khyaalaat ko
haseen aamal say saja

Bol
tu bol
tu bol
tu bol

apnay aap say kahaan
tu bhaagay ga?
kahaan jaaye ga?
kub tuk bhaagay ga?

tootay khwaabon ko jore zara
khawf ko dil say nichore zara
deen mai iman la
jaan mai thoree jaan la

bol
tu bol
tu bol
tu bol

bol.

Saturday, February 3, 2007

Random

Pyaar insaan say, mohabbat apnon say, ishq Khuda say.

Song #

A strangely familiar knock on the door,
Somebody's standing outside in the rain
i could swear ive seen her somewhere before
i'm wondering if i should let this stranger in.

staring on through the peep hole of memory
but there's only one thing i see clearly,
its cold out there, my heart it feels for her,
i want to comfort her, give her shelter,

but i know,
if i take her in,
there's a chance
ill be the one drowning,

a nomad in no man's land,
searching for little love and a guiding hand,
don't think me to be cruel,
i'm just a fool tired of being a fool

just a few nights stay for her,
might mean for me a stubborn visitor,
one who, even in her absence, refuses to leave,
if love is make-believe, you make me believe.

but i feel too old now to decieve,
a fast-aging heart into these damned webs we weave.
these damned webs we weave.

"give in baby, won't you give in?
heaven will envy the world we'll live in"
what good this world of yours if you're there to stay
for an always that lasts only so many days?

there's a strangely familiar knock on the door
she's still outside in the downpour,
i know i've seen her somewhere before,
but i'm not her problem anymore
no i'm not your answer anymore.

And its not because it isn't meant to be,
its because it doesn't mean to you what it means to me
And its not because it wasn't meant to be
its because it didn't mean for you what it meant to me

Thursday, January 18, 2007

Maybe...

theres a lump in my throat too big to swallow,
theres only longing to fill this screaming hollow,
time locked all doors, threw away the keys,
left me looking on through the peep hole of memories,

amongst those riding the stars and those down-trodden,
twelve years and a boy who stands here forgotten,
dreams, disappointments,
screams and small accomplishments,
reduced to a file number, lost without trace,
stored away antics of someone who didnt know how to run a rat-race.
left no marks on the place, lost as is his name,
but they left scars on him,
and dont you know how much it hurts when theres no one around to blame?

maybe if i didnt have that much pride,
maybe if there was more self-confidence in my every stride,
then maybe the staff, the administration and my peers,
would feel my presence, know that i was there
maybe......

maybe if i hadnt taken everything so easy,
listened to my father,had worked harder and not been so lazy,
then maybe the staff, the administration and my peers,
would care, that i was no longer there.
maybe....

maybe if i stooped low,
just to see how far down i could go,
or if i had flapped all four and made noise,
made sure that they heard my voice,
then maybe the staff,administration and each peer,
could not ignore that i was no longer there.
maybe.....

maybe if they'd cared and paid attnention,
helped me realize my potential,
instead of digging a nice hole for me to lay my aspirartions to rest,
a boy so young should never be convinced he's not the best.
maybe....

so now do you see whats so hard to swallow?
a boy choking on his childhood,
refusing to let regret fill the hollow,
he cant keep up the fight, if only he could...

childhood dreams buried, in the ever-deep abyss
he can make sure time left doesn't end like this,
with a little luck, devotion, and hard work,
he'll wake up each day to paint over the hurt
until one day you will hear the corrdiors sing,
here was once the boy who learnt from his heart's longing

Song #8; Because i love you

turn the lights off, darkness envelopes me,
in the darkness, youre all i see.
i miss the sound of silence, the eerie
replaced by this unending bitter sweet symphony
the darkness, it no longer scares me,
because now i know this,
you're real and you exist,
and all it does is leave me empty

so i close my eyes, waiting to dream my empty dreams
i open my mouth, let out the silent screams.
when dreams become reality,reality becomes a dream,
and so, mairee jaan, i guess what i mean
is that my visions have become useless since im already living my dream

i look away, because i am weak,
too weak to let go off the present,
too weak to face the future now so bleak,
too weak to let go off this heaven-sent.
so i close my mouth, hold it tightly shut,
i try, i try hard, i try harder..but
my heart, its got a mouth of its own
and it wont shutup

pretended rules you lived by you say?
ive walked that path, come down the same way
i thought my mind would convict my heart of treason,
but even it admitted, things such as this dont happen without good reason
what i said to you, i said to you because i know i cant take it back, ever
but atleast youll be the first to hear those words to leave my lips, that holds true forever
time demands you to walk away, i demand you stay
circumstance, orders you to walk away,
i beg you to stay.
i want to draw closer,
with my every breath whisper,
dont forget me,
dont just let it be,
you know i love you,
all you have to do is let me.
all you have to do is let me.
so even in those empty skies,
let me tell you hope never dies.
and in the darkness, blinded i grope
grope in vain at thoughts so sweet,
wet eyes take away my sleep
but even if i dont have you now, i have hope,
i have hope.
i wish,
i wasnt so selfish,
but now i dont give a damn,
because circumstance has made me what i am
i wont give up,
if time isnt on my side, ill make it stop
and if thats what i have to do to get you,
ill try my best to sweep away circumstance too.
dont know if im right,
dont care if im wrong,
ill fight the fight,
a battle 88 nights long
to find countless days of happiness
a battle 88 days too many
and 88 million too less
i know your answer already,
but atleast when you look back one day,
you cant say had he,
had he fought i wont have faded away.
and maybe if hed persisted,
held my eyes with his and insisted,
i wont have walked away.
that you knew a fighter who wanted to be your lover,
who at the first sign of danger, didnt scramble for cover
brave but stupid, chose not to hide,
so atleast he could say his weakness wasnt the reason he was dead inside.
he very well may be fighting a lost cause,
but he will continue to fight,
fight for 88 days and 88 nights without pause.
in the depths of his heart,a future he'll try to churn
doesnt matter if he has to crash and burn,
and so,
i just want you to know,
im not letting you go
even if i have to lose it all,
i will stand up, stand up tall,
my heart it wont shut up,
its telling me even if i lose, atleast i didnt give up
dont know if im right,
dont care if im wrong,
ill fight the fight,
a battle 88 nights long
to find an eternity of happiness
a battle 88 days too many
and 88 million too less
for a happy ending for to the endless unrest
because i love you.

Song #10; Pot of gold


From the clouds in showers descend,
tears of the sun pouring down on me again,
in empty skies an ear who'll lend?
to one thrown off of a rainbow bend,
and it soothes the pain to pretend,
there ever was a pot of gold waiting for me at the end,
among such colors, lost in their blend,
when to foolish forgetfullness will wisdom tend?

you are my rainbow,
yuou are my empty sky,
you are my rainy day,
you are my sunshine

If someone were to come along
grant me my any wish,
tell me to think of all things and give him a list
there would only be one thing i'd think about,
'coz in my mind there never was any doubt
about
who is my rainbow,
who is my empty sky,
who is my rainy day,
who is my sunshine
who is my darkness,
who is my lonely night,
who my harness,
who my guiding light

fed me all the bent truths you had to feed,
had to save yourself so you made me bleed
and i've shed all the tears that i had to cry,
my friend, that is why
that is why,
this is goodbyee.

And when you're in need of loving eyes
or a sincere kiss
will you miss a brown-eyed boy
and his impatiently patient lips?
or

how you were his rainbow,
how you were his empty sky,
how you were his rainy day
how you his sunshine
how you his warmth,
how you his cold
how you everything inbetween
how, you, his pot of gold
goodbye
goodbye
goodbye
goodbye.

Idealism VS Realism

Invited to walk through the open door
a look devoid of mercy
or consideration
shards of dreams carpeted the floor
reality, arch-rival of idealism
no chance of a reconciliation

dreams broken, did not die
lingered instead in recurrent nightmares
nightmares that can not be driven away
no, not even by the tired light of day
and so whispers of realism had not lied
idealism, stripped bare
judged,stared
at from the corner of empty eyes

hope had never been so empty
nor time such a vivid blur
or hindsight so far away from being 20/20
never had the clock ticked slower

each second, future becomes present
in the same second
the present loses out to the past
the heart sinks lower from where it was buried first
each tick deeper down than it had been in the last

exhausted and with emptiness overwhelmed
never to be the same
idealism dragged into reality's realm
do the dead ever rise again?

-till the dead are made to rise again-

A soul graced by a glimpse of love


I believe,
my concept of love cannot be flawed,
and that an honest plea to Almighty God,
by a heart true
goes not unheard,
and so an answered prayer came to me in these very words
to help me explain to you....what a mind, on its own,
cannot concieve
.



a heart deaf to reason,

leaves a mind impotent to decide

a body cannot be charged for treason,

for that which a soul , unified by love, cannot hide,

inner voices, silenced, cast aside,

humbly tuck away, a crumbling pride,

with resounding awakening of the infinite inside,

unhinged, surrendered, leaving me open wide.

a searching hand, ears listening for a heart,

feet tempted to give it a kick,

to give a waning beat a jump start,

because certain wounds you just cant lick

no deceptions, no tricks,

just an acquiscent, defeated logic,

defeated when posed with a question which could not be simpler,

yet a tied tongue struggles to find an answer

a heart dead before,would countless times over, again have died,

for the single memory that reminds an otherwise uncertain soul its still alive.

Is it tangible to you now? a feeling echoing in my soul, so grand.

limited is language, in describing a divine concept using a human construct

But, God be willing, it'll help your heart understand

Why , for love so pure, a million times over i'd self-destruct.

So mairee jaan, lend me your troubled soul,

in the darkness of the night , we'll go for a stroll.

take hold my patiently outstretched hand,

let go your logic and leave your heart unmanned.

All for one night till the night is gone, let me the one to show you how even the darkest of dusks

have their dawn.

Tuesday, January 16, 2007

Song #7; Fields of mold

A frustrated heart had heard mnay stories of the untold
of fields and valleys of gold
in which it'd never, ever grow old

A heavy heart of something that would make it light
and finally its prayers were answered one night

deeper down the hole,
realized body and soul
they saw the plot unfold

o' cruel one, what have you done?
o' cruel one, what have you done?

in your soft hands did you know you hold,
a heart that can't be bought with a love that can't be sold
for except with the look in your eyes
that blind it to all your beautiful lies

your warmth, its left me cold
your touch left a desert
your words have shattered all hope
left me in a palace of dirt

*four lines missing here----i lost 'em*

your warmth its left me cold
your touch left a desert
your words have shattered all hope
left me in a palace of dirt

a frustrated heart hears of many stories of the untold
of fields and valleys of gold in which it it'd never, ever grow old
a heavier heart of something that would make it light
bring a dawn to this endless night

Song #6; Sands of time


held your heart, couldnt read your mind,
rummaged through thoughts, found what i knew i'd find
i would do the only logical thing to do
leave you where i found you

instead i locked morality, left sanity behind
for a front row seat with you to watch the clocks unwind
for a while we'd lose ourselves
lose ourselves in the sands of time

still blissfully blind
dont open my eyes
tell me theres no finish line
tell me we're not pretending
tell me theres a happy ending
say, youll stay


memories of her laced in
sight, smell, touch, taste and
each second of when this life wasn't a waste then
i could hear you breathing when
so darling dont run away,stay
let the music we make, play

those dancing eyes and cherry cheeks
hold time still with every word she speaks
she breathes hope in this barren breast
she stems life in this God forsaken chest

*she doesnt know what shes doing*

an accident turned experiment
just a passing phase
my face, a bony waist's embrace
love gone to waste will stay with you in so many ways
for good or for bad,
whether it leaves you disappointed or glad
makes you happy, or makes you weep,
leaves you unchanged or takes away a few good nights sleep
gives you comfort, or makes you hurt
for better or for worse
either way i will be
right here in your memories
and so you will remember
those warm nights in december...

when for a while cupid smiled..
and when us weaklings
we borrowed his wings..
when together we watched the clocks unwind
our day in the sands of time
still blisfully blind
dont open my eyes
tell me there's no finish line
tell me we;re not pretending,
tell me there's a happy ending
say, you'll stay.

Song #5

The earth warned of things to come
to do all that could be done
and even though i braced in advance
when it hit, i stood no chance

tremors ripped through the core to bring down
skyscrapers of expectations we'd both crowned
deathly silence after a deafening sound
as fairy tales hit the ground

time tried to close the gaps
you can sew up the tears but you still see the cracks

left incapable of loving
devoid of lust
consciousness reduced to ashes and dust

left incapable of loving, devoid of emotion,
a drop of posion to contaminate the whole ocean
the glass which was half full,
the glass which was--
the glass which was half full now lies empty
and in the reflection lies a broken me.

Song #4: Somewhere along the way A.K.A the tim-mustafa song

Somewhere along the way, i lost you my friend
somewhere along the way, around the bend
somewhere along the way, i lost you my friend
i looked real hard though i never found you again

you were one who i was thinking of
one who taught me how to love
opened my eyes to a world i could not see
you tied me down though you promised you'd set me free

'coz somewhere along the way, i heard muffled cries for help
somewhere along the way, i lost myself
somewhere along the way, lost the will to stay afloat
slowly, day by day, i lost all hope

you were one who i was thinking of
one who taught me how to love
opened my eyes to a world i could not see
you tied me down though you promised you'd set me free

'coz somewhere along the way, i heard muffled cries for help
somewhere along the way, i lost myself
somewhere along the away, i lost the will to stay afloat
slowly, day by day, i lost all hope

somewhere along the way, i lost you my friend
i hope its not to late---its never to late--to make amends.

Song #3

My personal statement for my high school yearbook. Came to me when i was lying sleepless next to dada; one of my many sources of inspiration.



God, Allah, Bhagwan am i
the space between land and the sky
even Iblees is a part of me
i am the prophet, the prophecy

i am not heaven nor am i hell
i am that lively place where you lifeless dwell
limited yet infinite just like time
i am not yours nor am i mine

i am truth, i am fiction
i am hypocrisy,contradiction
the ultimate, the sublime that mountain which you could not climb

i am a prison, death the price for bail
my life maybe for rent, but my soul not for sale
i am the answer though born was i a question
i am the teacher, the student, but what is the lesson?

Song #2

-Written in Muree with a beautiful backdrop and a high school crush in mind-


Near heaven, up so high
savorin' each moment passing by
breathing a lifetime in a breath,
an eternity in a sigh
one wonders, if there could be
a heaven more heavenly than this
everything seems perfect
but something is amiss


The wind blows, gently
pressing down on thirsy lips
bringing from afar
a loved ones kiss
i wonder if there could be
a heaven more heavenly than this
everything seems perfect
but something is amiss

i close my eyes, i visualize
a voice inside cries
not so blissful a bliss
somethings amiss

a memory, i open my eyes
it is you i see
now jolted out of this comatose state
its you who's made this beauty impossible to appreciate
out of all the others, it is your name
God's simplest creation putting his rest to shame
its you that i'm thinking of
its you that i miss
and when you're not here
everythings amiss
and when you're not here
everythings amiss

Song #1

----In loving memory----
And when living life is too great an ask
When looking at yourself in the mirror is too great a task
of what use now, is your crown my love?
When there are no ups and only downs
watching, watching, watching yourself drown
going deeper, deeper now, deeper underground
strange people, even stranger town
you're lost all alone
yet you feel at home
and soon you realize
you were buried to be made alive
brought to life here in your grave
freed of a world to which we're all slaves
fly
fly
fly
fly for you are no longer bound
you were once lost
now rest found
found, found, found my love
found, found, found my love.
dedicated to Jahanara Ijaz
1988-2005

Monday, January 15, 2007

Borrowed Light

Most people, if not every individual, are lost in some respect; questioning, wondering, and wandering. I, with the Grace of Allah and the big heart of a doting father, have been priveliged enough to make a degree out of the voice that makes us all human; i am a philosophy major. I strive to be light-hearted so that i can drift with the gentle Breeze that is the Soul for a heart gone heavy suffers stagnation. This rigidity renders it deaf to the Whisperings of the Breeze and it but sinks under its own weight. One intune with the Melody riding the Breeze is he who has learnt how to fly without the gift of wings. And the serenity in this beautiful flight elevate the heart to the greatest heights, leaving this world behind into a realm which impatiently awaits its welcome. I do not claim to have visited these great heights nor do pretend to dwell in the heaven therein. However, i have, as i'm sure have countless others, had several incomplete take-offs. I carefully use the word incomplete for failure would not be an appropriate substitute. A heart has only truly ever failed when it no longer tries and a heart grows utterly cold only when it shuts its doors to the warmth of the Breeze which flows unencumbered still; like the land that by the earth's own rotation causes darkness to envelope it, depriving it of light and warmth which are the very ingredients required for life in it to flourish. And as the Sun retains its station and loses naught of its Glory, but it is only the earth that turns its back to the Light that suffers loss. Even in this darkness are there not stars as the most beautiful of guides for all except of whom refuse to look to the sky?